For that reason, I suppose, I’ve never been able to dislike Ron Paul (as a constituent of his in the 14th District of Texas, I think he’s a good guy), even though I’d rather vote for a fellow-traveling Meathead such as myself.

I look forward to a glorious future in which normal Americans can stop chasing phantoms a half-a-world-away, declare peace in the Culture Wars, and get back to bickering over particulars like the proper methods for taxing high-quality footwear and and the Constitutionality of government cheese. We can lock arms, move to the suburbs and/or have a nice little farm, and drink lemonade as we watch our children grow up to be normal, employed, upstanding citizens who love America and apple pie. Though they might turn out to be gay Muslim abortionists–but at least they wouldn’t be lazy good-for-nothing bastards. A chicken in every pot and a hybrid car in every garage. All of this and more could be ours, when we can dump the neocons on the right and the grievancemongers on the left. Huzzah!